How to Write Your Wedding Vows That Actually Sound Like You
Most people freeze the moment they sit down to write their vows. Not because they don't know how they feel, but because they assume vows are supposed to sound like something out of a film. They're not. The vows that land best are the ones that sound exactly like the person saying them.
I've stood beside hundreds of couples while they read their vows out loud for the first time. The ones that move a room are rarely the most poetic. They're the most honest.
Start with how you actually talk
If you'd never say "my heart overflows," don't write it. Vows don't need to sound formal to feel significant. Write the way you'd explain your relationship to a close friend over dinner, then shape it from there.
Be specific, not general
"You make me happy" could apply to anyone. "You remembered the name of my childhood dog three dates in" could only be about one person. Specific details are what make vows feel earned rather than generic. Think about the small moments that actually built your relationship and start there.
Structure helps more than inspiration does
A simple structure removes most of the pressure. Try this:
A short story or memory that says something true about your relationship
What you've learned about your partner, or about yourself, because of them
A specific promise, not a vague one ("I promise to always make the coffee when you've had a rough day" beats "I promise to always be there for you")
A line that brings it back to the present moment, the wedding day itself
Write early, edit later
Vows almost always improve with distance. Write a rough draft weeks before the wedding, then put it away. Come back to it a few days later and you'll immediately notice what feels true and what feels performative. Cut anything that sounds like it was written to impress an audience rather than your partner.
Keep them short
Two minutes is plenty. The moment is emotional enough without testing everyone's ability to stand still. If you're unsure, time yourself reading it out loud. If it goes much past two minutes, look for what can be trimmed.
It's fine to ask for help
A second opinion from someone who knows you well, or from your celebrant, can catch the lines that sound forced before the day itself. Part of what I do with couples is help shape vows so they sound like the version of you that everyone in the room already knows, just slightly more considered.
And if you book with me, you'll also receive a free vow guide to help you get started — so you're never staring at a blank page alone.
How long should wedding vows be?
Most vows run between one and two minutes when read aloud. That's usually around 200 to 300 words. Long enough to say something meaningful, short enough to hold the room.
Should our vows match each other in length or style?
Not necessarily. Some couples prefer symmetry, others find it more genuine when each person's vows reflect their own voice, even if the length or tone differs. There's no rule that says they need to match.
Can a celebrant help write our vows?
Yes. Many couples bring a rough draft to one of our sessions and we work through it together, tightening the structure and pulling out the lines that carry the most weight. I'm also happy to review a draft you've written independently and offer feedback before the day.
Should vows be funny or serious?
Both, usually. Most couples find the strongest vows include a moment of genuine warmth alongside a touch of humour. The goal is for it to sound like you, and most people are naturally a mix of both.
Do we have to write our own vows, or can we use traditional ones?
Either is completely valid. Some couples prefer traditional or legal vows and add a personal reading elsewhere in the ceremony. Others want fully personalised vows. I help couples decide what fits the tone of their day.
Want help shaping your vows?
If you're working on your vows and want a second set of eyes, get in touch. It's part of what I do with every couple I marry.